Brief warning, the following will discuss the topics of depression and suicide. If you are prone to these topics, I advise you don't read on.
I don't usually write descriptions for my songs anymore, but I felt like this might need an exception as the topic of this song is somewhat personal. Recently, I've been reflecting on a time in my life that I felt hopeless. It felt like the entire world was collapsing around me and I didn't want to do anything about it. I honestly didn't care what happened to me. One of my friends was talking with me one time and described that from the outside, depression feels like such a cold circumstance, but when you find yourself going through it you realize that it feels more like burning. It feels like your own personal hell that is inescapable. The thing is, you don't really ever get rid of it. It's still with me, to this day. But it is something that you can survive. It's something you can cope with. For me, coping was finding someone who cared about me unconditionally. Then, finding more and more people to surround myself with, who love me no matter what.
Struggling with depression can feel like a clock ticking down, always trying to catch up with you, and when it does, that's it. You're gone. But a timer on it's own doesn't dictate the outcome of what happens when it hits zero. I'm grateful have been given the strength to keep going.
lyrics
[Lyrics]
I think I'm living in my own shadow
Looking back in time
Know that I will never beat the whiplash
We're moving too fast
I know I need to slow down
But I think this won't last
The rot inside my brain won't subside
Overthink everything panic all the time
I don't want to think I might die
But the shadows are waiting just outside of my sight
I woke up in a room full of smoke
With my fingers bleeding, voices pleading
Get out! Get out!
But I don't think I want to
Get out! Get out! Oh!
Whatcha gonna do?
You say "just calm down, let the flames subside"
No, I won't calm down, let them take my life
Then you take my hand, open up my heart
Show me how to survive
Taking my life in my own hands and living by
My own set of guidelines
And never needing anybody else except for you
The one who makes it true
No crying over things we always knew to set aside
We're going overtime
We're going overtime
We're going overtime
Violate my trust
You would leave me in the dust if you ever had the opportunity
But I'll adjust
Cause it's just too late
I'm just second rate
Yeah, it's just too late
You used me as bait
Leave me twisted in the head
Painting everybody red
No it's not their fault
It's just what you said to make me lose my trust
And lead me on
You know it's not that hard to say you're wrong
The clock's ticking down, the sun's gone out
You're sitting still in an empty crowd
You're still waiting for someone to show
They'll never know, they'll never know
You're sitting still as the house burns down
You're sitting still as the world comes down around you
All around you
All surrounding
Never known
They'll never know
They'll never know
They'll never know
credits
released May 6, 2022
Terran Schoell - Songwriting, Composition, Performance, Lyrics, Art, Mixing, and Mastering
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