Finish This Before You Die

by Musithical

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equiston
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equiston a glimmering landmark that will be looked back on with pride. every track is committed to its vision, with production that seems to converse with and respond to the songwriting and performances. so much care has gone into every inch of this album, and it is apparent as a listener from start to finish. Favorite track: Ad Finitum.
Tess.M
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Nebula The Deer
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Legoshi
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veegsredds
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1.
editor's note 03:24
lyrics
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Give me a little motivation Show me a cup of good things Give me a light at the end of the road That sank so low The water solves inside of me Give me a little modulation Show me the synthesis in life So when the fire gets out of hand You'll understand what it means to be alive Cause all the books in the bedside tables Tell me go to Hell And when I open up my heart to something more You say I'm messing up the point My brain goes sore Cause all the little people on your desk Will tell you you're not well And when I open up my heart I can't decide between de-saturated art And suicide (fuck) I'm losing the will to keep on goin' I'm losing the will to keep on goin' I'm losing the will to keep on goin' I'm losing the will to keep on showin' you Life is more than little things that never give us more Losing the will to keep on livin' I'm losing the will to keep on giving you Little secrets that won't matter when we leave the shore I think you left something in my town Have you lost a spare heart? And when you put it back in it's place Don't hide your face Fell the souls you tore apart Ignore these little ideations They don't tell us apart So when you end up on your own Ignore your phone You never finish what you start I'm losing the will to keep on goin' I'm losing the will to keep on goin' I'm losing the will to keep on goin' I'm losing the will to keep on showin' you Life is more than little things that never give us more Losing the will to keep on livin' I'm losing the will to keep on giving you Little secrets that won't matter when we leave the shore
2.
Ad Finitum 03:19
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This is the last thing that I think I'll ever write I know I'm losing out on time At sixteen I had very big dreams And I lost them all to overthinking All my friends are prodigies They're never waiting up for me The speed of sound is not enough To outrun this black hole I'm feeding Starting to think you'll never go away 'Cause every time I find a way to kill you You just wake in my head the next day Scream out your name when you don't need me Break my heart when you don't see me Notify the presses of another lie you weave Put my hand over my heart Salute something that I don't believe in anymore When you go don't you say That you never ruined me 'Cause when you come back in the Autumn You will break me the same I think I'm losing touch with the story Think I'll end up drowning in the sound Will you come to dig me out? I think I'm watching the numbers too closely Miss the point and I find there's no fun now Just pack up, don't make a sound Hit dead end and turn around Tell me to sit aside and bite my thumb And when the voice inside screams ideation You find a brand new way to make me numb Think words aloud that I don't mean And lose my breath when there's a scene I can't be honest through a wall of endless apathy Put my hand over my heart Salute something that I don't believe in anymore When you go don't you say That you never ruined me 'Cause when you come back in the Autumn You will break me the same I think I'm losing touch with the story Think I'll end up drowning in the sound Will you come to dig me out? I think I'm watching the numbers too closely Miss the point and I find there's no fun now Just pack up, don't make a sound Hit dead end and turn around
3.
Candy + Vampires 03:42
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She got there so much faster than You could ever lead Her heart is so much bigger than You would ever need She sat there on the sidelines Waiting for the right time With roses in her hands You didn't understand You thought that only big and strong Could take your pretty little hands But when you looked into her eyes You felt a little part of you come back to life And you were lost You thought that you would surely end up Hanging on a cross And when the clock came crashing down You told a little lie that kept you safe and sound But look now She was always there for you Waiting to be burned And when the fears you had came true You were quick to turn With sugar on your tongue And no choice but to run Hold your heart firm in your hand You didn't understand You thought that only big and strong Could take your pretty little hands But when you looked into her eyes You felt a little part of you come back to life And you were lost You thought that you would surely end up Hanging on a cross And when the clock came crashing down You told a little lie that kept you safe and sound But look now And when I'm gone Don't you dare say you were good to me You were never that strong And your heart is always just as weak I wish I'd said something sooner It would have saved me some trouble And maybe you can let me out my bubble You didn't understand You thought that only big and strong Could take your pretty little hands But when you looked into her eyes You felt a little part of you come back to life And you were lost You thought that you would surely end up Hanging on a cross And when the clock came crashing down You told a little lie that kept you safe and sound But look now
4.
NEVERDRUNK//NEVERSOBER 03:27
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You're taking me all the way To the edge of eternity And I don't know, yeah, no I don't know If I'm gonna be okay But I'll keep you here to stay Cause I don't want to be alone And I know that I won't last Cause I'm moving way too fast And I'm going nuclear Will you catch me when I explode There's nothing left to do We're at the edge of time A singularity we shaped in our design And if the waves come crashing down on use tonight We won't survive We're walking through my mind We're seeing every sight If we could bend space-time It's gonna be alright And I wanna know why It's taken me all night For me to say I'm fine I want just one rewind And I know that I won't last Cause I'm moving way too fast And I'm going nuclear Will you catch me when I explode Oh Well, I don't know I don't know, no, no, no, no See it in my eyes I know I'm going blind To everything I've known in life And all I ask is you just go Go, go, go And never know And never know, no, no, no, no There's nothing left to do We're at the edge of time A singularity we shaped in our design And if the waves come crashing down on use tonight We won't survive
5.
Forever Passenger 04:38
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I saw you cry from the passenger seat of your car And it broke my heart I caught you lying when you said you're fine Cause I know it's hard to be apart Don't go it alone Cause I know you feel home in my arms Won't let you be alone Cause I know that's the hardest part I'll be here for you When the fog's rollin' in and it's clouding the truth Take your time You'll have peace of mind, I know I'll be here for you When the world starts to spin It's because that's what you make it do And you know I always will show it true Cause I love you You saw me cry in the passenger seat of your car Right at the start I don't know why but you still stuck right by me I guess we have the same heart I can't go it alone Cause you know I feel home in your arms Don't let me be alone Cause you know that's the hardest part I'll be here for you When the fog's rollin' in and it's clouding the truth Take your time You'll have peace of mind, I know I'll be here for you When the world starts to spin It's because that's what you make it do And you know I always will show it true Cause I love you
6.
City In My Mind 04:23
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Behold the ruin of the smoke and char Abandon all your hope to the overgrowth Steady your hand, you know you won't get far If all your memories fill with bodies they evoke So go When you looked up The carbon pillars filled the sky And now they rest Abandoned and infested by The kindred children, fallen ash Broken glass and all your vain Will you endure this pain? Don't let your voice go quiet Cry for me and you will see the light And as the neon signs all flicker out Will you stay awake? What do you think is right? Welcome home It's been so long since I have seen the rubble Welcome home I'm standing tall and getting into trouble Welcome home A gunshot fires The conscience falls into decay And you look back The creatures feed another day Hide in the shadows Feel the gallows of your mind begin to break And fade reality And as the flames go higher, higher Will we sing for you tonight? And as the bullet flies between my eyes Will you have remorse? Well go ahead and shoot Welcome home It's been so long since I have seen the rubble Welcome home I'm standing tall and getting into trouble Welcome home Seek me out And you will find yourself Broken and defeated by this place You know that you never should return But voices call to you from the places where they burn
7.
I'm so small in all of this 03:16
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We see life without the shadows Faces blind to the obscenities Contrast looming in the gallows So serene Don't breathe too hard Cough up your heart I don't belong here Among the millions of talented people I fear Don't tell me there's a light shining for me Cause the man-made crystals hurt my blood And I can't fall asleep At the end of the road Don't go home At the end of the road Don't go home We see life without the shadows Faces blind to the obscenities Contrast Looming in the gallows So serene At the end of the road Don't go home At the end of the road Don't go home At the end of the road Don't go home At the end of the road Don't go home
8.
Together Again 03:35
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I stay awake sometimes Thinking of the world that's ending And you there by my side I never thought much of time Until it came around to greet me And leave here with your life Just look into my eyes Everything will be fine We'll be together again In another lifetime Let's stay awake for awhile Think about the lives were living And how we got this far I never thought much of life Until I took too long to tell you I hope I'm first to die Just look into my eyes Everything will be fine We'll be together again In another lifetime When I sit up at night with my eyes closed Thinking about the things out the window Really hope I don't have to let go all too soon But when I wake up with you huddled in my arms Makes me wanna give you a world that can't do any harm There's no regret so Maybe it's time to let go
9.
finish_this_before_you_die 04:18
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I lost my faith in you on the drive home I just can't keep waiting for a place of own And if you open your heart You might see All the things you've come to do That terrify me Let me go I won't come home I won't come home It's getting too cold You never had a chance and it drove you a bit crazy You settled in a hotel and had yourself a baby The man grew so fond of would be who I call dad I'll never let him know me but I guess he's not that bad You did your best To give me a life I could lead I just hope you know It was inevitable that I leave I won't come home I won't come home It's getting too cold At the end of the road Don't go home At the end of the road Don't go home At the end of my rope I won't go At the end of my rope I won't go I lost my faith in you on the drive home I just can't keep waiting for a life of own And if you open your eyes You might see All the things you've come to be That terrify me I won't go home I won't go home I won't go home It's getting too cold
10.
A Meaningless Exchange 04:35
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It took six months to forget everything I knew And I'm sorry I never got back to you The sweater thread I pulled is getting to long Try to find the right words singing to the wrong song I'm too tattered to take the next step My drug's a 5:3 screen with a 3D effect I want the static noise to stop I'm gonna hold on to this feeling 'til my head (pops) And I'm stuck oscillating a choice Between the words in my head And ones that might fit my voice I really hate the way I sound But I think that it's better than treading the same ground I've had this thought since I was nine That there is nothing left for me in the afterlife So when the empty comes to interrupt my fun I shouldn't care, and yet I'm terrified What does it mean to be alive What is the value of mankind Freedom, God, and Suicide I think that he abandoned us So does it really matter if I die I need a better reason why A new way Cause the only way we've ever known Means it won't matter if we kill the ones Who just want to be left alone A new way Cause the only way I've ever known Means it won't matter if I end the world So why do I keep moving on alone I'm sick of chasing honesty Wish I could give up and still be seen So when the heat passes over me I'll leave an afterimage on your screen It's never easy to feel insane While piece by piece you keep picking at my brain Looking for answers you think I gave Left in the lyrics that I promise don't mean a thing I've had this thought since I was nine That there is nothing left for me in the afterlife So when the empty comes to interrupt my fun I shouldn't care, and yet I'm terrified What does it mean to be alive What is the value of mankind Freedom, God, and Suicide I think that he abandoned us So does it really matter if I die I need a better reason why A new way Cause the only way we've ever known Means it won't matter if we kill the ones Who just want to be left alone A new way Cause the only way I've ever known Means it won't matter if I end the world So why do I keep moving on alone Take a break from the bubblegum We will never be old enough to know Where we come from 'Cause History is not enough And when I see my eyes I make a small wish to father time And his wishing well of lies That I'll never see come true in this life It's a meaningless exchange Makes me wonder why we number all our days And I hate that I spend all my time inside It isn't enough just to be remembered, let's do this A new way Cause the only way we've ever known Means it won't matter if we kill the ones Who just want to be left alone A new way Cause the only way I've ever known Means it won't matter if I end the world So why do I keep moving on alone

about

[LOUDNESS WARNING]
While the contents of this album are not excessively loud, many of them use severe distortion which some people with sensory disorders may find grating or painful. If you are affected by such a disorder, I recommend you make sure that your device volume is lowered before you begin listening to this album and it's contents.

[ABOUT]
When I started to conceptualize this album, I couldn't think of a name to give to the project. Over the past year, I had felt a slow and steady stagnation in my ability to create anything. I really, REALLY wanted to just give up at several points but I kept coming back due to both obsession and because working on music is ingrained in my life and I would feel empty without it. But my own standards for how good everything needed to be was holding me back from actually finishing anything. So on a whim, I named the project folder "finish this before you die" as a passive-aggressive stab at myself with the intent to come up with something more appropriate later. But the songs I ended up putting together kind of stemmed from that idea more than anything, and I never ended up changing the title.

"Finish This Before You Die" is what I would consider to be my second *real* album, Lifeline being the first. I have the unique case where almost every original work I've ever made is available publicly on the internet somewhere. I don't really like to take things down if I can help it. Because of that, I consider my first two "Albums" to be more practice pieces than anything, and ANIOST was more of an EP to help me find some new sounds. I actually use to really HATE a lot of my work, but as I've come to realize that I really have worn my heart on my sleeve by producing my own music and putting it up since I was 16, I've seen my older music as a sign of my growth in the past several years. I'll probably hate this album at some point, just like I can feel a little bit of hate growing for Lifeline now. It's all relative.

As for the actual point of this album, it's kind of encapsulating what I said before about how I really had a hard time for almost a year making anything because of how in my head I got about everything. I've always found it funny how a feeling of obligation can end up hindering progress more than it pushes us to move forwards. I started making music for fun, and at some point I had forgotten that I once said that I didn't care if anyone heard my music. It was for me. So this album is for me, it's proof that I still can make. I still have it in me to create things that *I* enjoy above all else. If you like it, that's great! But if not, that's OK too. I'm just happy that I'm getting this out.

All that said, I *do* hope you all enjoy this. It took a lot of time, and I think it was worth it.

[CONTENT WARNING]
This album alludes to the following themes, and anyone prone to these topics should proceed with caution:
- Mental Health Topics
- Medication Misuse
- Internalized Homophobia
- Suicide
- Abuse

credits

released March 30, 2024

Individual Song Mixing - Per Track Attribution
Everything Else - Terran Schoell

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Musithical Portland, Oregon

I have a guitar, a computer, and a brain. Here's what I've made with those.

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